Moment's End

Damn it. Damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit.
I feel like crying.
Didn't see him much this morning. We passed in the halls, and he said, "Hey," and I said, "Hey," back.
PE. We pretty much acted like normal. I really wanted to talk to him about it, but I didn't really get the chance, because there were people around. Plus, I was nervous, and hoped that he'd start.
Not much happened in English, either.
After school, I pretty much thought I was doomed to wait another day, but he was still there. There were too many people, so I didn't say anything. I thought he'd left, but, again, I saw him.
After a while, it was just me, him, and Kathy. He was sitting outside the art room, working on a clay project.
At some point, Kathy went to try to open her old locker. I wished I hadn't gotten up to see what she was doing. I thought for sure I had missed my chance.
After a while, it got late, and Kathy left. Eliot went back to the art room to get his stuff, and I grabbed mine. Again, we acted normal as we walked out. He had parked in the other bike rack, so we said goodbye. At the last second, I turned and called his name. He turned, and walked back part way so I wouldn't have to shout.
He had said he was too busy to have a girlfriend. Trying to keep my voice steady, I asked, "Should we just...forget about this whole thing?"
I waited an agonizing heartbeat for him to say, "Yeah."
"'Kay," I said quietly.
"But I do want to hang out more," he said.
I forced a smile and said, "Definitely."
We parted.
I sort of waited around while I munched on one of the cookies he had given me. When he got his bike out of the bike rack, I started going. He smiled, I waved, he waved back. We said goodbye.
All the way home, I tried not to cry. I'm still not crying, even after I read this email from him:
"Hey, sorry I had to start all this and then be a jerk and call it all off. I still don't really know what i was thinking. I guess I was just going o the fact that i really like you. I just think that in the long run it would be so much better if we were still friends then( unlike me and Sophia now). I meant it when I said that I want to start hanging out more. You seem like one of the few legitimate people left on this earth and I would be honored to be your friend. So, all in all, I'm sorry."
Not crying, not crying, not crying, not crying, not...never mind.
Right then. I should...go...do something else.

Faye