DAMNIT.

Lucy, you know what I just realized?
Your soul is Lisa's.
Bleeeeeh.


BUT OH MY GOSHHHHHH ROSIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! YOU CAN NOT IMAGINE HOW HAPPY THAT MADE MEEEE!!! ROOOOOOSIEEEEEEEE AAAAND LUUUUUUKEEEEE!!!!!! ROOOOOSIEEEEEEE AAAAAAND LUUUUUUUKEEEEEE!!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!! OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODDDDDDDD~!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUN!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEE!!! THAT'S GOTTA BE THE BET THING THAT'S HAPPY--
WAIT. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT? I DUNNO, REALLY.
BUT I'M SOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! YOU TOTALLY DESERVE THIS!!!!
I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

Meh.

Nothing to say. Nothing to do.
Thinking about Eliot. How about you?

Good Night...REALLY Good Night...

Went over to Eliot's for dinner last night...It was...amazing.
We ate, then played pool, then Quoridor, then I watched as he played Rock Band (my suggestion), and he tried to get me to sing. Bleh.
I sat on the floor by him, watching as he played. He's very good, by the way.
After each song, he'd sit down by me, and we'd talk in whispers (so his parents wouldn't hear) about something random, usually my singing.
Of course, since we were whispering, we were very close together. And we...kissed. A couple times. One kinda lasted longer. Okay, so four did. But...yeah. It was amazing...very...

Love you!
Faye

For Rosie

Okay, so my stupid computer still won't let me comment on your blog. -.- But I have a ton to say, so I'll be pasting it here.

First of all, thank you so, so much for all your support (and for the rest of you guys, too!). Things are pretty much back to normal - or as normal as my life gets, anyway. I'm going over to Eliot's for dinner tomorrow evening, and can't wait! Ooh, and now I have nine new shirts from Forever 21 that I bought today and can choose between for said occasion! Yay!

Next, I would like to say that, though I haven't met you or anything, you and Luke sound like you guys would be pretty awesome together. It really sounds like you have a lot in common! I understand that it must be hard to be thinking of putting your trust into another person so soon after Peter left. I hope you're doing okay about him, and I think he's sounding like a real jerk right now. I'm so sorry. But I do think that you'll make it out okay, and be just that much wiser and careful with your heart.
Oh, that sounded like I think you should never have trusted him, didn't it? Not at all! I know I would have done the same thing in your situation. Luke sounds like a really nice guy, and it seems like you have a lot in common.

Also, I know that it may be hard to talk about, but if you ever feel the want to post about what happened with Peter that last night, I know we'll all listen, and give you big virtual hugs.

I had more to say, but I seem to have forgotten it. -.-

Anyways, you're just amazing. Thank you!

Best Wishes,
Faye

One Month & Sadness

We've been going out for a month today.
So why am I not happy? Well, it may have something to do with what happened today...

Late start, but finals at the high school. I had an hour between 1st and second period. Brian and I decided to go to Starbucks, and invite some friends along. Eliot was the only person who ended up coming.

We met him there, since we had Japanese first period. It was fun.

End of PE. Eliot comes out, and I ask him how he is.
"Okay, I guess."
"What's wrong?"
"I'll tell you later. There are people."
By now, I'm freaking out. (Typical me...

After school.
Me: Now will you tell me?
Eliot: Do you like Brian?
Again, my mouth kinda just flopped open. The thought had honestly never occurred to me.
Me: As a friend, I do, but not like that! Of course not!
Eliot: You were looking at him kind of flirtatiously in Starbucks this morning.
Me: No! I'm sorry! I didn't know! I didn't mean to! I really only like you!

I can't flirt for my life...

What did I do? He said it was okay, but it's not.
It's not.
He's probably thinking that I was lying. He probably hates me.
I know I hate myself.

When he said that something was wrong, I honestly wanted to destroy whatever had made him unhappy.

Now, I realize...that's me.

For the millionth time tonight, I'm thinking how much easier it would be if I didn't exist. I always cause so many problems. I hate it. I hate myself.

I haven't been able to smile since he told me this.

My cat was sitting on my lap as I was doing homework, and I moved a bit, and he complained.

"Well if you don't like it, don't stay! I can't help it! Just go! Just...go!"

I realized I had been yelling, and lowered my voice.

I know I'm over reacting, and I feel really stupid. I'm just saying what happened.

Rosie? SOMEONE?
..Help? Please...

what's happening? I feel like such a awful person...I don't want him to be sad.

I don't want to hurt him.

Love,
Faye

"Brian-kun is slooooooooooooow!" + Plus bad feelings after a conversation

So I don't really know if I've mentioned Brian much. Or at all, really.
Well, he's this kid that is new this year, and was home-schooled. He's blond, and kinda short (okay, so he's only a few inches shorter than me, but still). He sits in front of me in Japanese.
He also sits with Eliot and I at lunch. I didn't know him much at the beginning of the year, but I've gotten to know him a lot more now, and he's really fun.
Anyway, Lisa and Sam will probably get a ride to school tomorrow, and I get to ride with him. Honestly, I've gotten kinda sick of riding on my own.

RIght. I've gotta go to bed soon, so I'll hurry up.

Eliot and I were texting, and he found out that I swear a bit. Apparently, he's really against that sort of thing, and was kinda cold the rest of the conversation. Honestly, I'm not too happy with myself or him. And I'm really worried that he's mad at me. I'm scared. What if it's really awkward tomorrow, or something? I hope it won't be.
Oh, and he found out that I fence. He looked really confused.

Gotta go!

Love,
Faye

P.S. Wish me luck! I hope he's not mad...

It's Times Like These I'm Really Glad I Don't Faint...

Basically:
(yesterday)
Hadn't eaten more than a piece of toast.
Hadn't slept more than 6 1/2 hours TOTAL for the past 2 days.
Rode my bike across town for fencing.
Got moved up a class (FOUR LESSONS EARLY! ;o).
The intermediate level is much harder.
Rode bike home.
Surprised I made it.

I hope Katy gets back soon! Miss her...

Eliot thought I was getting sick of him! -dies- I feel bad...

Why, yes, I did have a wonderful night, thanks.

I don't think I told you guys, but I went to a New Year's party with Eliot at his church. I was really nervous.
I had two hours to kill, so I had my mom curl my hair (in the hopes that you wouldn't be able to tell right away by the time 7:00 rolled around), I did my makeup (OMG! Faye actually wore makeup! Amazing! ;o), ate dinner, then cleaned my room a bit, then played my guitar some...then it was time to go. My mom took forever to get out of the house, but we were finally there.
Me: You can just drop me off, mom...
Mom: Well...
Me: Mom.
Mom: No, I'll walk you up. What if it's not the right place? Or what if Eliot isn't here?
Me: MOM. You. Leave. Now. He lives right next door. I can call him. Bye!
I hopped out of the car before she could say anything, and walked towards the cheery-looking buildings that made up the church.
Ahead of me, I saw a small group of guys walking the same way. The red jacket on one looked suspiciously like Eliot's, and, mixed with the hair, I was pretty sure it was him, though the light was casting a shadow on his back.
As if he could sense me watching him, he turned around, and a smile appeared on Eliot's face. He started walking back towards me, and I ran forward, into his arms.
We finally got in, and he introduced me to a whole bunch of his friends. Spencer and Ryan, who I know from school, were there, which was a bit awkward. Oh, well.
"I have something for you in my backpack," Eliot told me. "Come with me."
I followed him, out of the building and into the courtyard, over towards a lighted building with signs plastered over the door, saying "Dodgeball Tournament".
Inside, it was empty, for the most part, with a few couches and stacks of chairs shoved against the wall. We were alone.
His (new) (white) (why did he get a white backpack? It'll get really dirty...) backpack was by one of the couches, and he pulled out a small, wrapped package, which he handed to me. I sat down and tore the paper open. Inside was a box. I opened the box, and found another box. It was slightly smaller. Both really nice boxes, too. Like, leather. Pretty cool.
Anyways. xD
Inside that box was a necklace.
It was a golden horseshoe, on a chain. (Duh.) And it was BEAUTIFUL.
I smiled at him, and gave him a hug. "Thank you so much! I love it!"
"It took me two days to make," he said, hugging me back. My mouth kinda just flopped open. I'm sure I looked stunning.
"You...made this?"
He nodded.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Can't remember what I said next. xD
He sat down behind me on the couch, and put his arm around my waist. I smiled up at him.
Eventually, we went back in. I learned that he got his permit yesterday (yay!!), and that he had nearly killed himself on the way to the party when he sat on the hood of his friends car. While it was moving. (-.-) Apparently, he fell off, but landed on his feet. I'm scared for that boy's health...
So...we hung out. I beat him multiple times at Connect Four. He beat me twice. After his friend showed him the trick. xDDD
Another friend came by and started "strangling" him. xD When he left, Eliot complained that his neck hurt.
"Aww, do you want a kiss to make it better?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "May I have one?"
I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Feel better?"
"Yes."
We were all told to sit on the floor, as stuff was happening on stage.
I sat resting my head against his chest. Every once in a while, his lips would brush against my forehead. A couple times, he kissed me. I kissed him once on the cheek somewhere in there.
Stuff happened. I forget all of what it was. xD Finally, they let us go hang out some more. Then we were called back.
Oh, and Eliot was trying to get me to dance and/or sing karaoke throughout the night. Pfft. I refused.
Eventually, midnight rolled around.
When they began the countdown (as according to someone's phone), Eliot was up by the stage, dancing with some people. I had flat-out refused to get up there.
They let the balloons down from the big net on the ceiling, and Eliot made his way through the crowd to me. We hugged, and said our "happy new year"s. Then, we went over to the wall, where I sat in a chair, and he leaned on it, above me.
"So..." I said. "What do you want to do for the first few minutes of 2009?" I already knew the answer, of course.

Oh, flashback.
In LA, visiting family. Eliot and I talked on the phone from 12:00 am to 3:00 am. Heh...
Anyways, he asked me what I'd want for Christmas--anything, in the whole world. I thought a moment, then said, "To see you. Right now." Forget what he said. "What about you?"
"A nice kiss."
"...I can do that." I couldn't hold the smile from my voice.
End flashback.

"Guess," he said.
I really couldn't say it. It was EMBARRASSING. "I dunno..."
"Then you'll never find out!"
"Oh, please just tell me!"
This debate went on for several minutes. Probably not what either of us had had in mind for the first few minutes of 2009, but...it was worth it.
Finally...
"I want that Christmas present you promised me," he said.
I grinned. "Thought so."
Our lips met. It was...amazing. That's all I can say. It didn't last long enough, though. I kissed him again.
Someone told us to go sit back down. We sat in a different spot, same position.
He was worried about his lip-sync, saying that it was going to suck. I told him it would be great.
Finally, it was their turn. He and...seven(?) other guys were doing some rap song. It was really funny.
He came back (missing Ryan winning (but trading in) an alpaca sweater. Spencer got a Bath and Body Works gift card.), and sat next to me again. He thought it sucked. I kissed him on the cheek and told him it was great. He didn't believe me. They ended up winning for the jr. high division, and I got to say, "I told you so."
Their group won $100 to split.
"I got the best prize, though," he said.
"What?" I asked.
"You."
AWW! So sweet...-dies-
Unfortunately, the night (morning?) ended, a few minutes after one. We walked outside, where we found my mother (-.-). He walked me to the car, and we settled for a hug goodnight. (Stupid mother...-muttermutter-)
I got eleven kisses last night/morning. That's fourteen total in my life. And all but one with Eliot. Happy...

Love you guys!

Faye